Kvinna: (n) Swedish translation of woman

I’ve been so inspired this winter.  I’ve read so many stories and oogled so many photographs of and about incredible women.  Since, becoming a mother, and if I look back, it was probably even long before then, I’ve had this yearning to help girls & women see their beauty and their potential.  I want them to see how beautiful, individual and personal their journey has been, is, and will continue to be.  To show them what makes them beautiful and to show others that beauty is more than what the media tells us it is.  We are all uniquely beautiful…it’s the journey to discovering that truth that can become dirty and ugly, make us hate and doubt ourselves.  If we can take that journey, though, and take the ugly, the hate, the self-loathing and see it for what it really is…it is the beauty of being human, made to be a unique individual.

Every month, I’ll be sharing with you one woman’s inspiring  journey & beauty.

I’l start with a few pieces of my journey….

I am a woman who: has loved and lost and learned to love and be loved again.

rezilin anwendung online bestellen by Onfy

My defining moment: When I was 21 years old, the boy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with died.  Leaving me a shattered,  broken mess.  My world went dark. It was the worst time of my life.  I was so lost and empty. My future, as I planned it, had been altered and there was nothing I could do to get it & him back. I hated myself for all the ways I hurt him between the time we broke up until his death. I regretted not getting back together with him as soon as he got clean. I was jealous and mad that it wasn’t my face he saw when he died, that I couldn’t hold him and tell him that I loved him more than I loved anything or anybody. I couldn’t see past my own despair. I silently and privately went into a deep depression and turned to alcohol & food to cope.  I shut out almost everyone important in my life and hid my dark secret with a plastic smile. It’s that one event in my life that has fueled so much of who I am because I never want to be that dark, lonely, self-loathing, hateful person…again…period.  I am so much stronger now because I understand that it had a purpose in my life. It also taught me what true love for another individual is, how quickly it can be taken away, and how much I took for granted.

The hardest part of my journey so far:  Learning to forgive.  Isn’t that one of the hardest things to do?!  And I’m not sure what has been harder learning to forgive others for hurting me, or learning to forgive myself for the mistakes I’ve made.  It’s gotten easier, but I am human, I will be asking for forgiveness for the rest of my life and knowing that, I need to remember the same is true for everyone else.  Wouldn’t I want to be forgiven? Of course!

The best part of my journey so far:  When I let go.  I have a long history of letting people walk over and hurt me in hopes of being loved by them.  (I would say much of what has happened to me in my life has been because of my need to be loved by others.) About 2-3 years ago, I let myself be hurt by a friend for the last time.  It was at that point where I realized that I needed to let go of that friendship.  And not just that friendship, but so much of what I was doing to myself in all my friendships. I had to let go of this feeling I had that I needed to be loved by others.  I needed to start loving myself.  It sounds cliche, but really, why did I always expect everybody else to love me, when I didn’t love who I was.  I hated so much about the person I was, and that reflected in my attitude towards others.  Once I let go of that ‘need/want’ and started focusing on loving myself, everything else started falling in place.  My relationship with my husband, family, and friends got better, my business got better, I started opening up because I was more comfortable with who I was and the absolute best thing happened…I finally felt ready and comfortable to build an open relationship with God.  Letting go and learning to love myself has totally brought me more than I could’ve ever imagined.  YES!  I LOVE the person I am and the person I am becoming…I even love the person I used to be, because along with her came so many lessons and strengths.

My biggest strength: I’ve learned not to dwell on something too long. In the grand scheme of things, it’s only 1 piece of the puzzle.  Walk away, come back later, and you’ll find where it goes.

My biggest weakness: Oh my gosh…I’m horrible at talking to people in the flesh.  I can type & write my heart out, but face-to-face I lose all sense of the english language (or any spoken language at that!) LOL!!

The message I want to send to others from my journey: Your past is your past, you don’t have to let it define who you are, but it did help shape who you have become, so embrace it as a part of your journey. And love yourself, see your unique beauty. When you truly love yourself, you are an infinite force.

 

If you want to share your story and be a part of this project email me at ashley@blushingfawnphotography.com.  I’d love to hear from you!